

CHICKEN SOUP FOR YOUR HOLE
This weekend I’m eating baby food for breakfast, steaming my vagina, and then when it’s all moist and my pores are open I’m going to shove a jade egg right up in there, and then while my egg is stewing in my own personal slow cooker I’m going to grind up some coffee beans, rub them all over my body and lay back and have a vampire facial. Why? you may ask. Because a celebrity said so, that’s why! Celebrities are smarter and wiser than us. And with all that money at their dispo